The need for courageous conversations - can we still have them?
With the interruptions from COVID-19 still very much affecting the way we work and coupled with the changes in how we communicate across different medians, there seems to be a growing sticking point of how we should be developing ‘Healthy Conflict’ within our teams. We do not want to have an aggressive or overly confrontational workplace by any means, however, Patrick Lencioni’s “5 Dysfunctions of a Team’ discusses how we should be embracing productive conflict:
“Fear of Conflict - Teams that trust each other are not afraid to engage in passionate dialogue around issues and decisions that are key to the organization’s success. They do not hesitate to disagree with, challenge, and question one another, all in the spirit of finding the best answers, discovering the truth, and making great decisions.” – Patrick Lencioni
Leaders are now being faced with the challenge of clashing cultures, opposing beliefs and people who can become offended easily. Often navigating the conversations coupled with these areas can be the undoing of a great team and also a significant strain on leadership.
When leaders take action, they often disrupt the status quo. At other times, a leader’s actions force negative issues to the surface that were previously being ignored. These issues may create negative energy and cause conflict to surface. As leaders, we must confront, deal with and manage conflict appropriately because if we don’t, we aren’t leading effectively. We do this through having courageous conversations.
Leaders are always encouraged to talk about their issues with team members, however, no one really tells them how to do this! So, I thought I would jot down some concepts that may help those who need to tackle a knotty conversation soon:
1. The standard you walk by, is the standard you accept
It is natural that we may fear that a confrontation could escalate the issue rather than resolve it; you could be rejected, the cure could be worse than the disease, you are unsure if you will offend someone or a whole group, you do not want to be the ‘villain’ and so you avoid it.
The harsh reality is that if you don’t address the problem, the problem could very likely escalate rather than be resolved; you could still be rejected; your team could still underperform; you will lose trust from others. Therefore as leaders we must confront our fears and confront the issues, as if we don’t, the very outcomes we fear may well show up when we least expect them.
For those who don’t mind dealing with conflict, it is about understanding how to have the best conversation for both parties, gather different thinking, understand other perspectives, collaborate and gain alignment, in a way the person is receptive to the nudge. There needs to be a willingness to make things better.
2. Become situationally aware
Due to the complexity of the workforce we can often be bombarded with various policies, HR do’s and don’ts, culture or diversity unknowns and generally just dealing with generations who might be resistant to feedback! That being said, a key tool to tackle the conversations is getting all the information you need prior. That means getting across all aspects of the issue you feel you are needing to address along with the personality(s) type you need to confront.
A few thought-provoking questions that can help leaders grasp the true problem we are trying to address:
Are there relevant factors you don’t know about?
Are past experiences colouring your interpretation of events?
Are you making unwarranted negative assumptions about the other person’s motives?
Do I have the ability/capability to understand the nuances of the issue?
3. 6 P’s (prior planning prevents p*^ poor performance)
Develop a strategy, not a script…understand that this will not be choreographed and the plan will change once it starts.
Plan for different scenarios based on several ways your counterpart could respond. If you’re nervous, do a dry run in front of a mirror, practising neutral facial expressions and open body language. Try a mock conversation with a family member or other unbiased party in which you imagine and verbalise both sides of a hypothetical discussion. This will help you as you gather and focus your thoughts before you sit down. While it’s critical to prepare, it’s not in your best interest to develop a script. As soon as your counterpart says something “off script,” you might lose your balance.
The Harvard Business Review Handbook on Difficult Conversations has a seven questions framework to help:
What is the issue I’m trying to resolve?
What is my counterpart’s view of the issue?
What assumptions are we making about the situation and each other?
What underlying interests are at stake for me? For my counterpart?
What feelings does the situation trigger for me? For my counterpart?
What do I want to achieve from the conversation?
How can we break the impasse?
Top tip: Make sure you plan the location, layout and environment to make sure you get the most out of your strategy!
4. Silence can be your ace in the hole
The best leaders talk with people, not at them - The more emotionally loaded the subject, the more silence is required. Use silence to slow down conversations so you can discover what really needs to be discussed. By spending time to build situational awareness and having planned our strategy we need to create the gap to allow the other person to understand our point of view.
When things do start to get challenging we should be aware of some of the signs that silence is needed:
Interrupting by talking over someone else
Formulating your own response while someone is talking
Responding quickly with little or no thought
Attempting to be clever, competent, witty, impressive, charming etc
Jumping in with advice before an issue is clarified
Distracting in gaps in conversation by changing topics
Talking in circles with nothing new emerging
This article was contributed by Luke Johnson, Strategic Advisor
For further information, Pivot & Pace have a range of E-Books on Courageous Conversations for Leaders.